Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
