vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
