The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
