How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
