I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
