we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
