Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
