i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
