sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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