Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
