I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
