I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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