I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
