My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
