yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
