My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
