Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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