I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
