I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
3pm strippers are depressing
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
