Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
