I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
