Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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