the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
