talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
