speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
