I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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