he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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