in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
