After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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