Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
