When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
