its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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