College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
