I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
