i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
