I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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