"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
