I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
