If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
