Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Let's get the cat blown out
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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