dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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