Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
