I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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