my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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