Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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