If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
this boner is exhausting
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
