We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
