Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
