Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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