Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
