Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
